Well, I finally finished Step Seven. Yay! I think I may have been taking a long time doing this Step for a few reasons. One, and probably the biggest one, is that finishing Step Seven means I am on to Step Eight. Making my list of the people I've harmed and becoming willing to make amends to them all. At this moment in time, it seems like an insurmountable request. I don't know where I am going to summon up the strength to do this.
See, it would be easier to do if there were any effective communication in my family of origin. I just picture myself as Lisa Simpson from the sitcom "The Simpsons" giving my letter to my sister (played by Nelson Muntz) and the trademark, "HA, HA" coming out of her mouth. This is the part in the show where I walk away from Nelson wondering why I even bother, dragging my saxophone behind me.
Looking at it now, I can see why I would dilly-dally and not try to go barreling into Step Eight. Being the laughingstock of "Springfield" isn't on my list of "things to do" this year.
Another reason I think it took so long was that (again) I was aiming for perfection. I wanted my prayers to be perfect. I agonized over them, writing and rewriting, as if God was my ninth grade English teacher with a penchant for red pens. Have I learned nothing? I really need to be saved from myself.
3 comments:
I am dreading step eight. Mainly because I am still holding on to some resentment. YUCK. I finished step five and it has had a huge emotional impact on me. I was very surprised by it.
Ooooh. Step Five. That one was particularly hard for me too. I remember crying a lot while doing Steps Four and Five. Kudos to you for having the courage, though!
I'm holding onto some resentments too. I'm definitely not entirely ready or willing to make amends yet. I'm going to make an appointment to show my Step Four and Five to my counselor so she can help me decide what stuff is my responsibility and what is not. The codep in me has a hard time deciding sometimes!
Ugh! This is going to take every ounce of humility I possess. I hope I have what it takes...
Thanks for your comment, and congrats again on Step Five. I read your blog, and it sounds like you had a really tough time with it. Celebrate that success in some way if you can. That was a biggie!
If you have the courage to complete step five you'll have the courage to complete step 8.
I know for me it is going to be a struggle, too! I have so much resentment it is killing me - and my causing me to have a lot of rage.
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