Arguing

After coming home from work on Sunday night, h and I had a "discussion." We hadn't seen each other for 24 hours, so we were just hanging out in the living room, trying to reconnect, talking about what happened in our individual lives over the time that I was away.

Sometime during the conversation, he got quiet and got a strange look on his face and then shuddered a little. I said, "You okay?" He said, "Yeah. I was just thinking about something." "Anything you want to share?" I said. So he hesitated and then said, "Well, I was just reading this article in the latest Psychology Today about taboos that are normal. I don't know how they get away with calling all of that fluff 'psychology.' It was a really lame piece."

Okay, not for nothing, but this month's Psychology Today has a photo of this chick in a leather outfit, complete with whip, on the cover. The title on the cover is "Twisted? 7 taboos that are perfectly natural." It went on to list sexual fantasy as one of the normal taboos. It was on the floor on the passenger's side of my van with some other mail that I forgot to bring in on Friday (I have a long driveway and usually get the mail when I'm going out somewhere...lazy me).

Anyway, here's me acting out:

Me: So what possessed you to bring that magazine inside?

Him: I was cleaning out the van before going to the recycling center and I brought in a bunch of papers. That was in there, along with the mail.

Me: So why would you have read 'that' article?

Him: Well, I can't exactly research this SA stuff on the internet because so much porn comes up. I was just curious if I was normal.

Me: So sexual fantasy is now 'normal' and okay for you?

Him: No, I'm not saying that. I just want to see if I am a complete whack job.

Me: Well, to me it seems like you are trying to justify fantasy. The title of the article is "7 Taboos that are Perfectly Normal." It seems like you were trying to find support for the 'fantasy is okay theory.'

Him: No. I just want to see if I'm normal.

Me: So if you are trying to see if you are normal and you want something to read on the subject of SA, why don't you pick up something by Carnes or Weiss, someone who is respected on this subject?

Him: I've already read Out of the Shadows.

Me: How long ago?

Him: Well it has been a long time.

Me: So you are saying, the chick with the whip had nothing to do with your decision to read that particular article?

Him: I would have read it anyway.

Me: Whatever.


Yesterday we went out to dinner to talk about it some more because we couldn't really talk without a certain five year old showing her sweet, smiling face. His idea, we took the discussion to a restaurant. Surprise, surprise, he didn't feel comfortable talking in public. So he didn't speak to me at all during the entire meal. I was mad. We paid the bill and walked out. Outside, there were three young women dining at a small table. P. was racing me to the car to open the door for me. I wouldn't allow it. He got in the car and blew up. "You don't have to humiliate me by not letting me open the door." I replied, "You wouldn't even speak to me for the entire meal. Now you want to be chivalrous in front of this table of women. Too bad. Who are you really opening the door for? Me or them?"

Yeah, the past couple of days have not been shining examples of recovery for either one of us. Thank God we have counseling tonight. I worry about this too. Last time we had an argument with the counselor mediating, he walked out on the conversation. This ought to be interesting.