Good Morning All!
Hope everyone enjoyed their extra hour sleep last night. Is anyone with me when I say I am not looking forward to the earlier sunset, though? I really do miss having the extra hour of sunlight. Guess I'll just have to get up earlier if I want to take advantage of it.
I worked for my private duty lady last night. She has, very graciously, given me an extra night of work every weekend. Thankfully, she had a really good night pain-wise, so I started working on the exercises in Beyond Love while I was caring for her. Ugh! "Yuck," is all I can say. I *really* do not want to do these.
First and foremost, thank you Lillian and Kelly for your feedback on the letter to my dad. I haven't rewritten it yet, but I intend to. You were both right...he will never see it, so what am I so worried about? "Hearing" myself do that exercise was a real eye-opener. I have come to realize that I am a total and complete enabler. I could hear myself making excuses for his drinking binges. This stuff really screwed me up. I feel like a giant mess. Have you ever seen a ball of twine or kite string that is just too far gone? You think, "Oh, man, this is just *so* not worth the effort it's going to take to untangle this ..." This is where I am. Problem is, I can't just go to the Walmart and buy a new life like I could buy some new kite string.
I think the best thing about group is that you have to do these things out loud. Having them in a book is all fine and good, but reading them to another human who has been where you have been is really cathartic.
So as for the next exercise, the one about your relationship with your mother, oh boy... I will try to edit it for foul language. I tend to drop the "F-bomb" when I'm around her for too long. I love her, and appreciate the fact that I wouldn't even be here if it weren't for her. That being said, our relationship really needs a major overhaul. I could make a new reality show, "Extreme Makeover...Mother Daughter Relationship Edition." I'll let you know when I'm finished with that exercise. May be a while...
2 comments:
Hey Deana,
This is a great idea! Particularly love your choice of title!! Already miss you in group, but with this and the phone, we'll be in touch...
As you feel about your dad, I am about my mom. Always a momma's girl, and it's worse as she passed in '85. She was great in many ways, but the dysfunction was there and passed on. And so we unravel to see, a little at a time.
Hmmm--we bought candy too, but no trick-or-treaters came!! Yeah, still partaking. Good thing you have a few helpers at home!
Keep up the great work--you're still with us!
Talk soon,
Lil
Hi Deana,
I like your blog idea. I'm procrastinating on doing my recovery work tonight. I told myself I would spend some time on it tonight but haven't. Oh well.
Thanks for sharing the work you do it helps me. I know I have a few issues to deal with regarding my parents too. I think everyone does to some extent.
Just think how strong you are now and how much more stronger you are going to be in the near future as you work through and address all these issues.
You should be proud. Keep up the good work. I'll talk to you soon.
Barbara
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