All Aboard!

Wow, two posts in a row. I must be feeling kind of crazy. Actually, my daughter has had me up since 3am, and I am getting no sleep in my own bed so I've found refuge in the den, blogging and watching Food Network. Probably not the best thing for a compulsive overeater to do alone at 4:30 in the morning.

Since most of you from group are already aware of just how messed up I am, I figure, what have I got to lose with this next post.

I wonder, am I drawn to the drama that living with an addict creates. It seems that anytime life began going smoothly, I would sabotage that peace with a crisis, either real or imagined. For example, when there was a lull after the birth of our second child, we adopted a dog from the humane society. Of course, not just any dog, but an abused dog. How fun...not! He would attack us whenever we would pick up a broom or a belt. He died not long after we adopted him after consuming a softball that he found in the basement and then washing it down with my nephew's sweater. That was very sad.

I took on an additional full time job when I already had a full time job. Got pregnant. Dumped the second full time job. Then, while pregnant with our third child, we purchased a pure bred pup, an commitment we couldn't afford financially or with respect to the training involved. Started school full time. Had an affair. Bought a house. Bought another dog we couldn't afford money- or time-wise. Then the drama of kicking out the husband and taking the husband back. Another baby, a new house, a couple of cats, several tanks of fish. More drama on D-Day number two.

I'm exhausted just thinking about all of the ways in which I've complicated my life without even giving it a second thought. I know much of this stuff is just life. But I recognize that whenever there is one of those uncomfortable lulls, I add a child or a pet or a situation that will create anything from severe stress to, at the very least, a temporary diversion. It's as if I am only happy in the midst of chaos. Ever since I was in middle school, I've admitted to working best under pressure. Given too much time, I putz around and ultimately forget what it was I was doing. Maybe I have ADD...or maybe I'm insane and can't help but enjoy a good rollercoaster ride every now and then. Either way, it's not good.