I'm digging deep lately, and without seeing a private therapist, I'm taking on the role of psychoanalyzing myself. Mistake, I know. But I've formuated some questions for my therapist for when I speak to her again.
First of all, I noticed that in all three experiences I've had with men, the men were undoubtedly sex addicts. My husband, for obvious reasons. Matt, a man I dated before marrying my husband, was certainly a sex addict. He even went so far as to make a reference to me regarding our brief sexual relationship while at a party we both attended with our respective spouses. And then Dave...the voyeur who, while married, was also seeing me and another female that he eventually married. Once married to her, he sought me out after a wedding to inform me that he still thought about me every day.
Personally I would have taken myself for the wife of an alcoholic. Why, in all three cases, would I pick a sex addict? I don't consider myself to be a sex addict, so why wouldn't I choose someone like my dad, or at least throw in an alcoholic for variety? I'm a little surprised at how drawn I am to sex addicts. I even had a perfectly sweet male friend that was on his way to being an alcoholic, and when he asked me out, I turned him down. Why would I exclude him like that? It was as if the alcoholic wasn't unbalanced enough for me. And not to minimize the damage an alcoholic can do to a family, because I have many alcoholics in my life too. I just chose not to have sexual relationships with any of them.
The harsh reality is I chose this for myself, not once, not twice, but *three* times. Something tells me this was no coincidence. I was repeating a pattern that I was unable to control or identify until now. A little late, I might add.
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